School Reports

When I first started teaching, we had to write our school reports by hand. It was a real killer for three main reasons:

1.       You had to use the same pen throughout the report, so you couldn’t lose it. Too much pressure.

2.       If you made a mistake, you had to start all over again, right from the beginning.

3.       It was physically painful, writing 3 A4 sheets per child, for 30+ children.

May half term holiday was a complete write-off (excuse the pun) because I would be wading through my reports, trying to complete as many as I could in the holiday so that when I was back at school, I wouldn’t have too many to do in the evenings and at weekends. It was a real busman’s holiday, but there was no alternative, so I just got on with it.

As you get used to writing the reports, you try different things to help you work more quickly. At first, I tried to write a whole report for a child at a time, but this took a long time. Then I tried writing all of the Maths comments for the whole class, all of the English comments, all of the Geography comments etc, but some days it was like swimming through treacle trying to think of 30 different ways of saying ‘Sam has seemed to enjoy Geography this year. He was very interested in finding out the differences and similarities about living in the town and the countryside and is always attentive in lessons.’ That, on top of handwriting the reports, made it a very repetitive, boring task.

Twenty plus years later, we now type our reports, which means if I’m falling asleep on my keyboard and make a mistake, it’s easily rectified and I don’t have to start all over again. I can also lose as many pens as I like and I won’t have to sit with my hand resting on a frozen bag of peas in the evenings.

When I find it difficult to sleep, during report writing season, I often think about writing a guide to school reports. We are told to be honest, but positive. There are never any surprises in a school report- we are only confirming what the parents already know. Sometimes, however, just SOMEtimes, I imagine what it would be like to be completely honest….

Report Speak	Actual Meaning
She prefers to work by herself.	She can’t share.
She prefers to work with a partner.	She can’t do it.
She is equally happy working on her own or with a partner.	She doesn’t really care.
She speaks her mind.	She told me I was fat yesterday.
When he is taking part in an activity which he enjoys, he throws himself into it.	Take extra precautions when pond dipping.
He is a confident speaker.	He goes on and on and on. And on.
She treats her friends fairly.	If there are two girls near her, she will pinch them both, so one isn’t left out.
His handwriting is improving slowly.	To be fair, I still can’t actually read it.
He is very proud of his bilingual ability.	Today, he taught three boys how to say a rude word in Russian.
She likes to work with a Teaching Assistant.	She’s hoping the Teaching Assistant will just do her work for her.
He doesn’t say much, preferring to watch the others.	Stalker material.
She is beginning to form good relationships with the other children.	She hasn’t hit anyone today. Yet.
He is always happy to read to an adult at school.	I wish you’d listen to him read at home as well.
He is a confident, friendly boy who is bursting with energy!	Make him go away please. He’s like a human whirlwind.
She has strong views of right and wrong.	She’s always right. Everyone else is wrong.
He has remembered some details about religious stories, but needs to make sure he listens carefully when they are being told, as his attention often wanders.	No, Goliath wasn’t in the Garden of Eden.
He is always keen to share his news.	He talks over the top of me.
She is always keen to help.	I’ve tripped over her three times today.
He learns his spellings religiously every week.	Vicar material.
Her written work does not accurately reflect her ability.	She’s a lazy little so-and-so.
He has learned lots of new words in English this year.	He can now swear bilingually.
She shows a helpful, unselfish approach to others and treats them kindly.	If only the other 29 were the same.
He is still learning how to play appropriately with the other children in the playground as he is quite big for his age.	He mowed down three Year 6 boys at lunchtime. Not bad, considering he’s in Year 1.
She shows leadership qualities.	She’s bossy.
He was really interested in finding out about the Great Fire of London this year and was keen to enter into discussion to share his ideas on the causes and results of the fire.	Keep him away from matches.
She uses all available art materials to produce work to be proud of.	She makes a mess and I cop it from the cleaner.
She enjoys P.E., especially running.	Like a headless chicken.
He is very adventurous during gymnastic lessons, but shows a lack of awareness about safety issues.	Keep him away from the climbing frame.
She needs to make sure she is concentrating.	She called me ‘Dad’ last week.
He no longer becomes upset quite so easily when things don’t happen as he would like.	We are getting through fewer boxes of tissues.
He has enjoyed working with a range of different Art media, including clay, ink, crayon, paint and particularly pastels.	I hope you have enjoyed washing all of these things out of his uniform.
She recognises that some questions cause people to wonder and are difficult to answer.	She always looks at me blankly when I ask her anything.
He often complains about the other children.	Nobody likes a grass.
She really enjoys playing in the water tray.	Give her 5 minutes and she’ll look like she’s swum The Channel.
She is beginning to understand what is expected of her at school.	She didn’t huff or roll her eyes at me when I asked her to come and read today.
He is quiet and polite in the classroom.	But a complete nightmare at home, apparently!
She enjoys using the percussion instruments.	She hit two girls with the cymbals yesterday.